- The Rustler
It’s dead silent in the middle of the night and all you can hear is heavy breathing and the rustling of sheets. Yeah real sly guys, super subtle, nobody can tell you’re having sex. Oh wait, they can. Everybody can hear you. Stop.
Best way to deal: Whisper “everybody knows”. Make eye contact if you’re feeling gutsy.
- The “I just don’t give a fuck”
There’s several degrees of how few fucks can be given by the “I just don’t give a fuck”, ranging from the moaner to the screamer to the full-blown exhibitionist. They’re far worse than The Rustler, but at least they own it.
Best way to deal: Watch.
- The Trainwreck
The Trainwreck is drunk. Always. If you’re having a nap, he’s drunk. If it’s 2AM and you’re fast asleep, he’s drunk. If you’re in bed with food poisoning and have been shomitting for three days straight, he’s drunk. And don’t you worry; he will make you aware of it. He’ll do this in a variety of ways, including bursting into the room sporadically, rummaging through his belongings like his life depends on it, leaving his possessions strewn across the room and then flailing his way back out without having actually gotten anything out of his bag. God help him, how he managed to get to another country is beyond me.
Best way to deal: Tell him it’s happy hour and watch him run out the door like he’s Kanye in a house without mirrors.
4.The One Who Hasn’t Heard of Torches
The One Who Hasn’t Heard of Torches is by far the worst person to bunk with. You can sleep through people talking or having sex loudly, but you can’t get past the lights being turned on in the middle of the night. There’s nine people sleeping in the room and he thinks it’s cool to come in and flick on the light to grab a pair of socks? No mate, just no. It’s 2016, use your fucking phone light.
Best way to deal: Toss and turn loudly and make passive aggressive grunts of displeasure. Or be an adult and ask them politely not to turn the light on (less fun).
5. The Conversationalist
You will get to know The Conversationalist’s entire life story even if you never speak to them. They don’t seem to realise that when they have a loud private conversation with other people in the room, OTHER PEOPLE CAN HEAR THEM. The ultimate shit bunk buddy is A Conversationalist Who Hasn’t Heard of Torches. Avoid these people at all cost.
How to deal: Join in the conversation. If they’re talking personal, get personal. Things get uncomfortable real soon. They excuse themselves; you sleep. Winner winner chicken dinner.
Bottom line though, you’ll meet a lot of people travelling who have a lot of annoying habits. Most of the time they’re loud and brash because they’re letting so loose. Maybe YOU’RE the one that shouldn’t be in bed. Go do some rustlin’ like you don’t give a fuck; Sleep is for the weak!